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Post by Definitely not Twitch on Dec 6, 2012 15:58:15 GMT -5
Scariest thing in the world to me? Honestly as strange as this may seem, It is my own head. Half the time I barely understand what is really going on with it. As silly as it sounds its almost like it has an agenda of it's own half the time.
As of late I often look at things i wrote or the actions i have down and they feel very foreign and very unlike the rest of the thoughts in my stubborn skull. Most days I am honestly filled with a burning hate for most living things and i have no want or need to become social with the rest of the world. This can last for weeks where I will stay home and have very brief contact with most people.
When I snap out of my rage and start to look through non-jaded eyes I look back at some of the things and they look foreign as though someone else wrote them. I start to feel like a stranger in my own life, and honestly I'm not sure how to feel about it. I just get this urge to talk to someone, anyone about pretty much anything. To just talk and cloud out all the oddities that are currently going on in my head.
Some days I really wonder if all of this will start to make sense or if I will die not knowing exactly what is going on with me. One part avoids all human contact and the other longs for contact by any means. Maybe there is just a deep rooted need for the need of intellectual companionship. I guess time is the only way to figure it out.
Take care mates.
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shyy
New Guy
~~ Not So Shyy Afer All ..~
Posts: 10
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Post by shyy on Dec 6, 2012 16:47:44 GMT -5
Twitch, I sincerely relate to what you are expressing. I often feel the same way. I, too, feel constantly torn between two halves of myself. One side of me is logical, and cold and recoils from human affection and attention, yet the other passionate side of me craves conversation, stimulation, attention, and affection. I have been this way all of my adult life... some people like to throw the words Bipolar, and Borderline Personality Disorder around my self aware descriptions, but I instead just learned to embrace it. When I was 15, I got my first tattoos to symbolize this "embracing." On the inside of my left wrist - is the Kanji symbol for ocean, and on my right inner wrist, the symbol for Fire... (Blazing, to be specific) So, yes, I try to make the most out of my polarity of emotions. Sometimes that will create moments of contentment, and self approval - and yet, other times it opens a chasm of deep loneliness and despair. I just always remind myself, that no matter what I am feeling - it his better than nothing at all. Because of all the aspects of my person --- The moments of VOID are the most excruciating, The times when I feel nothing.... just... nothing... at all.... [/color][/font][/size]
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Post by Definitely not Twitch on Dec 7, 2012 19:44:39 GMT -5
Thanks, seeing replies like this makes me smiles. I really want all the fans to understand we are only people too, just like you and every other fan on this page. We share our opinions so you can related and we can have people to relate to as well. Also shyy, your story is really wicked, I am planning on getting two wolves on my lower back, to represent the old story that every person has two wolves inside of them.
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